Self esteem is a measure of someones confidence in themselves.

Parents or who are happy and content will encourage similar states in their children. Similarly a comfortable significant person who provides real communication during childhood

People with a happy childhood tend to be more confident, relaxed, resilient, flexible, adaptable, less easily traumatized, less likely to let traumatic events into their lives. They are more likely to respond with curiosity or amusement than distress to new situations.

Low self esteem and its fears are the main enemy of relationships. They mostly come from early trauma perpetuated by lifestyle.

Critical parenting and childhood abuse leave us alert to the negative possibilities around us. If we have negative expectations of the intentions of others we are more ready to take offense and become frustrated and resentful.

If we bring a low opinion of ourselves and our abilities into relationships we may defer to others or resist them. We may have difficulty believing that others could possibly like us and tend to interpret their approaches as hostile, intrusive or dishonest.

These attitudes protect us in a hostile environment but limit and complicate everyday life. Unrealistic hopes, fears and fantasies restrict us from noticing and taking up opportunities. Not just passing opportunities but those right in front of us every day.

Low self esteem is perpetuated when we are attracted to situations that fit a low estimation of ourselves rather than our real potential.

Low self esteem can persist even when we have satisfaction and recognition in parts of our life where we excel and haave public recognition.

When we feel bad we may feel bad about everything including our partner. When we feel anxious we may feel anxious about our partner. Finding satisfaction in relationships may be elusive if we feel insecure or insatiable.

Only when we are able to experience satisfaction and can love ourselves can we accept love and give enough to maintain relationships. If we are secure in ourselves we can be ourselves and interact freely. We can be hopeful of situations and experience feelings of enjoyment and gratitude.

Having said that, not many of us can feel great about ourselves all the time without being difficult to deal with. We also need to be able to feel at least a little discomfort to be able to respond sensitively to the warning signals of others.

The ideas and exercises on the body, mind, stress and awareness therapy pages help let go of habits that are in the way and move on to be comfortable and confident.